Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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