I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
