cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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