how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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