If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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