Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
