you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.