Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay