even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?