Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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