My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
