It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
