It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
