I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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