Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
