So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
