I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
