It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
