fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone came in the potted fern
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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