There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
