i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
