he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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