Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
