after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
