love makes seman taste better
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let's paint friendship bongs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
