he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
