You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
