Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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