I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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