Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
