Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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