I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
