why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
