Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
