yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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