I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
