she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
