ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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