I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
