The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just had sex on a roof
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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