piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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