we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
