Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This baby is an asshole
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
