You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there was a trapeze. enough said
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
