dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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