if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
