and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
