I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
