The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
