Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
