I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
