my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
