He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize