escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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