She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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