I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
