I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
