well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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