I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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